Americans love cosmetics. According to MSN.com, we spend an average of $7 billion a year on beauty products. We use shampoos to make our hair appear thicker, bronzers to make us look tanned, and creams to help us look younger. However, there is nothing on the shelf to heal a broken heart.
February can be a difficult month for people who have recently lost a love. There is help for the brokenhearted, although this balm is not to be found at the corner drugstore. If you’re working through a breakup, divorce, or the death of a spouse/partner, soak in these three jars of salve to heal your broken heart: “Makeup Work,” “Celebration of Love,” and “Sassy You.” “
Scratchy, Scruffy Step One
Any good skincare regiment starts with exfoliation, and your Recovery Work jar contains vital exfoliation ingredients: grief, time, self-discovery, and expert advice. When we rub our face, it can feel rough and uncomfortable. The same thing happens when we get rid of old emotional scars; it may hurt, but it is necessary to prepare ourselves for the next phase of our lives.
To begin this step, we first grieve our loss. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identifies the five stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Do not skimp during this process or minimize your complaint. In her book, Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, Helen Fisher argues that our drive to love is stronger than our drive for sex. When love runs out, we can feel physical pain.
Trainer Amelie Chance says this physical pain can be a tightness in the chest, a nervous stomach, or insomnia. It is advisable not to dismiss such symptoms. If they persist, talk to your doctor.
Recognize and overcome the emotional stages of denial (this can’t be happening to me)Angel (I’m so mad at that BLANK for leaving me, I could…)negotiation (If I could be thinner/richer/prettier/more handsome, I bet I could win her back) and depression (I don’t feel like doing anything, I’m so broken by this breakup). Eventually, following these steps leads to acceptance.
As you grieve, you will encounter self-discovery. It can not be helped. In fact, it should be encouraged and celebrated! Allow yourself to learn where you made mistakes so that you don’t carry the same thing into a new relationship. Acknowledge the new strength you have cultivated as a caregiver for your spouse/partner. Dare to dream what your life would be like without your ex-lover in it.
Tools such as journaling can be used to aid in a self-discovery stay. Prayer or meditation, even therapy or training, can also be helpful.
But don’t forget about the other ingredient here: time. Experts estimate that it takes one year to recover for every five years in a relationship. It is important to note that we should not use a time frame for the recovery of a lost love. Each individual is unique and will grieve in their own way and on their time. However, use the ratio of 1 to 5 as a guide so you understand that this job should not be rushed. Similarly, if you have been stuck in one or more of the complaint stages for a long time, you may need to seek the help of a professional to help you move forward.
Once you are in acceptance, you can apply the balm from the next bottle, “Celebration of Love”.
Second Calming Step
It’s often said that we can’t find love if we can’t love ourselves, and there’s a lot of truth to that, Love Celebration begins by remembering the wonderful things about you and honors those qualities by setting aside time for self-care. Do an activity that brings you happiness. Take a relaxing bath while listening to beautiful music. Enjoy a nap or enjoy your favorite meal. Honor the time you have for yourself.
Love was not created simply to be shared between romantic partners. While that may be one of the most joyous aspects of being human, love reaches its full potential when shared with everyone in our lives, so this holiday season, give of yourself and spread the love!
The unique aspect of this recovery salve is that it is meant to be shared. We are surrounded by loving people: our family and friends. Give your time and attention to family and friends so you can express how important they are in your life. Put aside your “to do list” for the day and visit the people who are important to you, or call them to tell them you love them.
Pets add so much to our lives, so why not give them more time or do something nice for their animal companion? They wait so patiently for us, giving us unconditional love and acceptance when we are ready, and asking so little in return.
Take the time and make your pet a special treat, take it for a long walk or just snuggle up on the couch while you remember how lucky you are to have such a friend in your life.
Extend yourself by showing love to an animal that is waiting for its forever family. If you can, consider adopting a dog or cat from the shelter. Perhaps (like me) you have a full house and that is not possible. You can volunteer part of your time at a rescue center to walk dogs, play with kittens, or simply pet the animals. The afternoon you spend can help bring that animal closer to finding its guardian.
step three revitalizing
After you’ve done the scruffy make-up work and celebrated the love you have in your life, treat yourself to the ultimate salve, Your Sassy Self. This revitalizing regiment will lead to renewal in your life. It works miracles, and that’s not an empty sales pitch!
Similar to the first ingredient in the Love Celebration bottle, loving yourself, Your Sassy Self delves deep into your essence and spirit. The key ingredients in this balm are forgiveness, spiritual connections, and discovering your gifts.
First, apply forgiveness where it is needed, whether it is towards a person who hurt you or towards yourself for any shortcoming. Your Sassy Self Healing Balm doesn’t skimp on forgiveness because without it it’s impossible to move on with your life.
Forgiveness also allows you to make deeper spiritual connections. When we hold a grudge, the ability to seek our Creator is distorted. Forgiveness breaks down those walls. We were created to be connected to a Higher Power/Creator/God, however you view this deity. When we don’t communicate spiritually, there is a void in our lives that we try to fill with the wrong things, like greed, lust, power, envy, and the list goes on. Seeking greater truth and meaning in our lives is a revitalizing journey that can fulfill like no other.
Remember that we were made with a spark of divinity and a purpose. Our Creator wants us to identify and use the talents we have been given, which not only leads to a fulfilling life, but also helps to improve our part of the world. I love Saint Peter’s message that everyone has at least one gift and that we should use it to serve others. The gifts (talents) are the ones that enlighten you; these are your passions. Do you like to share knowledge or manage the lost? Then teach! Do you feel a strong compassion for the sick? Then treat them! If you are comfortable being a leader, then manage. Apply Your Sassy Self liberally and watch the renewal happen in your life.
Recovery from a broken heart does not happen overnight. There is no magic pill. But if you are willing to do the work of recovery, to risk loving others and giving of yourself, as well as seeking deeper truths in a spiritual quest, your heart will not only heal but overflow with grace and love. Who wouldn’t be drawn to that?
