I was so excited to go to kindergarten. Playing and meeting lots of kids would be so much fun! However, it seemed like a lot for her to get used to. There was something called circle time where everyone had to sit in a circle around the teacher. She sometimes read a story and sometimes she played the guitar and sang songs. But she needed to move me during circle time. I ran around the circle and talked to all the children. I couldn’t understand how everyone could sit still and listen without speaking for so long!

It seemed like they were always yelling at me, correcting me and telling me to be still and quiet! But my brain wouldn’t let me sit down. In first grade, my friends used to get really mad at me. They said I got too close to them when we had to form a line. Sometimes I would get ahead of the children to be the first. My brain wouldn’t let me take turns….

In first grade, I thought the teacher told us to get out our science book and turn to page ten. When she started teaching the class, I looked around to find everyone looking in her social studies book at page two. My brain wouldn’t let me listen… In second grade, I didn’t like to raise my hand to answer a question. Shouting was important because I needed to show everyone right away that I knew the answer! My brain would not allow me to keep the answer in my head until they called me and allowed me to bring the answer to my lips and speak! In second grade, the teacher told us a lot that we would have to write down our assignments when we were given homework. Homework was always written on the blackboard. At one point, she was going to write down some things that she had to do. Suddenly, I heard a plane, a lawnmower, and a truck. I had to look out the window to find out a few details like if the plane was a 747 or a 737 and if it was American Airlines or Delta. Next, he needed to know what color the mower was, how big it was, what was being cut, and who was cutting it. Lastly, he had to find out what kind of truck it was, whether it was a bulldozer or a dumper, what color it was, and what exactly it was doing.

Suddenly it was time to leave to go to our buses. My brain wouldn’t let me focus and write my homework without having to find out what was going on outside. And then it was too late… As I was leaving for school one morning in third grade, I told my mom and dad that I loved them. I even hugged them! When I got home, I told my mom that I loved her and missed her. My brain lets me feel what I feel in my heart and express it… In third grade I came home with homework. My mom wanted her to start doing it right after she had a snack. So I refused to do it, kicking and yelling at her that it was hard and that she was tired. My brain wouldn’t allow me to listen and obey my mom without getting frustrated and angry… In fourth grade, I had a lot of trouble remembering the math I had learned in third grade. Of course, I didn’t really brush up on my math over the summer, so it had been a long time since I’d done any math. My brain wouldn’t let me remember the math I had learned in third grade without making too many mistakes. In fourth grade, I brought home my books to do homework. But I brought home the wrong book and left my notebook with the homework pages I would have to do at school. My brain wouldn’t let me organize…

In fifth grade, I took a test in science class with the rest of the kids. But concentrating on the test wasn’t nearly as important as concentrating on how fast other kids were finishing and whether I would be the last to finish. It was easy to pick answers at random and move quickly; much easier than concentrating and slowing down. My brain wouldn’t let me focus and avoid distractions.

In sixth grade, I came to class feeling overwhelmed and confused. I was trying to orient myself in the new topic and get my papers out. As he did this, everyone apparently heard the teacher give instructions. When I looked around and noticed that the children were working, I asked the teacher if he could repeat the instructions. He said no, that he should have been listening. My brain was having trouble transitioning to a new class and trying to figure out what I needed on my desk. My brain wouldn’t let me hear anything but myself. In seventh grade, the teacher was teaching a subject that I found incredibly boring. I switched my laptop screen to areas of great interest to me including airline schedules and the S&P. My teacher caught me not paying attention and sent me out of the room. My brain doesn’t allow any focus when I’m bored. I was trying to refuel by paying attention to areas of interest. After doing that, I can go back to the topic being taught for a short time. I would like teachers to try to understand me.

In eighth grade, I’m still struggling to understand myself and my ADHD. But I think I’m starting to mature enough to figure some things out. My parents tell me that I am smart. But sometimes I don’t feel smart when I can’t follow directions, stay organized, and focus. But it is important to defend yourself. Many things that are now in place help me to be successful and have a healthy self-esteem. Things like small group settings, medication, and a system that works for me to stay organized help me succeed. Another important point I’ve learned is that it helps to have at least one teacher who you feel really cares about and is always there to talk to. A teacher and a family can certainly reinforce strengths that I don’t always realize I have. For example, I can explain where the planes come from and where they are going. After being somewhere once, I can find that destination without any problem. My parents say that I am sensitive and intuitive in such a remarkable way. When you’re at school and you have to fit in, it’s hard to imagine that you’re really smart. Being wired differently is certainly a challenge, but I will continue to stand up for myself and work hard to achieve my goal, which is to be a commercial pilot. Not everyone will accept me… but it’s okay as long as I accept myself.