The printer saw red but the printer client did not. The stationery delivered was fine in principle, but the red color on invoices, business cards and letterhead left the customer unsatisfied. He sighed theatrically and exclaimed, “The red is not what I ordered; it’s not red enough. I was expecting something a little redder.”

The printer’s exasperated expression said it all. He was seeing red alright because he had been a victim of similar scams before. He knew what was coming. The buyer was finding fault with the order and the invoice was about to be renegotiated downwards in favor of the customer. The printer’s dilemma was to swallow his pride and accept the smaller check or take the order and throw it in the nearest dump. We’ve all seen TV shows like Rogue Traders and The Builders from Hell, but what about Customers from Hell?

The client with the frayed bottom

Many clients are adept at finding fault with the work performed or the service provided as a perfectly acceptable way to reduce or avoid payment. The manager of a handbag retail store smiled when she spoke of the customer with the shabby butt. The lady had bought a shopping bag a year earlier, but she wanted it replaced because the bottom of the bag was inexplicably scratched. The manager was too polite to suggest that the customer’s diminutive stature might have had something to do with the bag’s over-familiarity with the sidewalk.

One builder described how a female client, after purchasing a property that desperately needed attention, called several construction professionals. Replacement windows installed, landscaping, property completely renovated. This included a new kitchen and a swanky bathroom. Expensive furniture was installed in each of the bedrooms, one of which had been converted into a master bedroom with a bathroom.

Expectantly, each of the merchants involved waited for their invoices to be paid. Only when they pressed for payment did they realize that their client, thanks to his improvements, had quietly sold the house for much more than he paid and then disappeared.

Customers have become increasingly sophisticated and brazen in devising ways in which they can deceive those who serve them. Imagine the woman who buys a dress and attends her function. She then returns the outfit to her and explains that she is not very happy with it and is expecting a refund. It is seemingly commonplace and part of the rich tapestry of life for frustrated retailers and builders.

The client is Sting

A driveway specialist tells how he had created patios and gardens with stepped walkways and attractive walkways with York stone slabs. The finished work was a delight for the eyes and a magnet for lovers of outdoor activities. Not according to the customer who, despite the bargain price, thought that the 1.5 cm between the paving slabs was a bit wide. With admirable patience, the landscaper replaced each of the slabs 1 cm apart, after which he was reluctantly paid.

Only later was it explained to the landscaper that the client had been injured once in a serious traffic accident. The compensation he had received as a result was to pay for the renovation of the garden. However, the mental deterioration resulting from the misfortune had exaggerated the client’s anxiety to the point of finding fault with everything.

Customer scams are at least a classless phenomenon. A milk delivery man talks about the client from hell who lived in a millionaire’s house with a yacht in the driveway. This customer often argued over whether his milkman had delivered a medium or large cream, but only pennies separated the two sizes.

the trick card

It is thanks to the endless patience of professional traders, service providers and retailers that a devious minority get away with their ‘Statute of Cheating’. These reprehensible clients seem to know their rights and have no qualms about abusing them. Many agree that the worst offenders are, surprisingly or perhaps not, bank managers and police officers.

Chris is a hard-working young landscaper trying to build his business. Once the garden cleaning was completed, he presented the agreed invoice of 600 EUR. Without batting an eyelid, the customer wrote a check for 450 EUR and coldly informed him that if he pressed for the difference, he would sue him for harassment. To give them time to lie down, another customer was repeatedly asked not to walk on the newly installed patio tiles. She ignored instructions and later complained that the flags were wobbly. Each had to be reconfigured and then, to add insult to injury, she demanded a discount.

Even the client’s neighbors see an opportunity to make a killing once the builder shows up. An expert fence builder tells of his client’s neighbors constantly harassing him. On one occasion they claimed that the weight of the bulldozer had cracked their steps. They were surprised when he pointed out that the moss growing in these alleged cracks had been there for years.

A flaming nuisance

Shame on the poor fireplace retailer who installed the fireplace with the most divine feature only for the customer to criticize the marble design. Marble, which is natural stone, has a different pattern. She complained that it was not the employer she had wanted and she had no intention of paying him. She looks like she thought she could install an expensive fireplace without paying for it. The customer eventually paid, but only after the irate and determined vendor dragged her through an arbitration process.

In the same way was the blinds and awnings merchant who was pleased to have made improvements in the last nightclub in the town, expected payment. It never occurred to him that there might be a problem. He had an excellent local reputation; accessories were as ordered and looked great. Furthermore, his client was not short of money and was often seen driving his Ferrari Testarossa.

None as blind as the one who does not charge: The awning installer had to prosecute the pending invoice. Only after talking to others and learning that he wasn’t the only trader who had been stung did he stick to his client’s trading philosophy. He doesn’t pay unless the aggrieved providers use the court system. He had reasoned that most suppliers would find the legal proceedings too formidable and write off their losses, which was why he owned a Ferrari. ©