This article will cover two aspects of a breakup: Possibly getting your ex back, while putting you in a good position to heal. This article puts all your eggs in one basket: get a second chance.
Attitude is vital, both your internal attitude and your attitude perceived by your ex.
There is one main thing you need to understand here, and that is that your words will either mirror your actions or contradict your actions.
They both serve the same purpose, if your goal is to get back together with your ex, and that is to confuse your ex and make them feel insecure. Remember that these two elements are your friends in your effort to get back together with your ex. I will explain more in detail if you just bear with me.
The first thing I will advise you is to do your best to avoid begging and pleading. This will frustrate your efforts to get your ex back quickly. Instead, agree with your ex that the breakup was for the best. That doesn’t mean you should act happy about it, but rather say something like, “You’re right, I don’t think either of us have been happy, and I can see why it’s ending. Of course.” I’d like to stay together and work through the issues, but there’s no point if only I want it, so I can see that this is for the best.”
This may seem contrary to your wishes, but there really is no point in staying with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. It is critical that you remain calm and collected during this period. Very difficult to do. I think this is for the best because I know it works first hand. Not when I wanted my ex back, which was why it was quite easy to take this attitude, but when I really didn’t care if the relationship ended.
Your ex will be wondering, “How can someone I just dumped not cry about it?” By agreeing to the breakup, you accomplish two things. First, you confuse your ex by your actions. Second, you eliminate the possibility of conflict. Begging, pleading, and trying to change your ex’s mind will only make him defensive.
In the course of the conversation, the idea of being friends will almost certainly come up. You must absolutely agree with this idea. This is where you slowly retreat. You become distant, you remain happy and supportive, but not always available. Miss the occasional call, return messages the next day, reply to emails after a few days. Don’t be at their beck and call, make yourself a challenge.
Don’t give your ex any comfort by ‘being there’ for him. Don’t give them any idea that you want them back. You must give the impression that you are moving on. You are giving them ‘friendship’, but not the kind of friendship they had in mind. They expect him to maintain a high level of contact, but he doesn’t. They expect you to ask them to reconcile, but you don’t. If they get angry, etc. then YOU must be the ‘adult’ in the situation. He speaks calmly and logically: “We are still friends, but I also have to move on; I will always be your friend though.”
In my own personal experience, a major key to getting an ex back is to make him feel like you’re moving on even faster than he is. Look at it this way, what is the hardest thing for you to accept about the love of your life leaving you? The fact that someone who was supposed to be in love with you doesn’t care enough to be with you anymore. What is the hardest thing to accept if you had been the dumper? The idea that the person was not affected and is moving faster than you. It’s a total game about ego and insecurity.
While doing this will not guarantee that you will get your ex back, it will allow you to properly heal or, in most cases, re-ignite a spark in your ex. Insecurity will lead them to “prove” to themselves that they can still have you and that the breakup really hurts. It can be a bit shady, but as they say, all’s fair in love and war.
