Some breakups are more difficult than others. There are relationships that end, if not happily, with an understanding. There are others who will tear you apart, so that you feel empty.

These are the breakups where you know you don’t want it to end, even if you didn’t realize it at the time it all fell apart. And because you worry so much about putting things back together, there’s a tendency to get things wrong.

understand how you feel

The very fact that getting back together is so important is the reason you need to stop and think before you continue. Chances are your emotions are spinning around like a shaker, rattling and resonating around your head.

This emotional noise can keep you from thinking to the best of your ability, which is why many people don’t even realize what they’re doing. Letting your emotions run wild will often have the opposite effect to what you intended, further driving your ex away.

Understanding how your ex feels

If your ex feels like you’re anxious or irrational, they’ll probably push you further away, it’s as simple as that.

It’s almost instinctive to walk away from negative pressure. Your ex will need his own space, since he will also be going through a process.

By inflicting your anxiety on them and adding your emotional noise, it will make it even harder for your ex to think clearly. If you really want to get back together, you both need to be in the right frame of mind.

This means that you both need to do everything you can to prevent emotions from building so high that judgments become clouded.

Signs that you are applying too much pressure

If you are determined to get back together, the most common mistake is making too many attempts to contact them. Are you calling all the time, leaving similar messages every time you don’t get an answer?

What about emails and text messages? Maybe you’ve rediscovered some old ways of getting in touch – you know you’ve gone too far if you’re sending homing pigeons!

The other big mistake is trying to make your ex feel sorry for you. Ask yourself if you would be in a relationship with someone you feel sorry for! It’s unlikely to top the list of most desirable relationship traits, so don’t go down that path.

Harsh but true: the best possible outcome of making them feel sorry for you is a relationship where they regard you as a mangy old dog from the pound!

So take the pressure off now!

Give your ex some time and space. It’s not so much about being hard to get, although adding a bit of mystery to yourself never hurt anyone.

It’s more about giving them a chance to think about what you mean to them. If you argued a lot before you broke up, constant contact will reinforce that, even if you’ve decided to put the arguments behind you.

It will take some self-discipline to stop the contact, but see it as an opportunity for yourself, too. You probably need space just as much as they do. You can do better things with your time than contact your ex while he’s still thinking things over. Pick a hobby or craft if you need to take your mind off it!

By giving your ex some space, you’ll find that you actually have an opportunity to miss you and feel positive about you, which you can’t do if you’re constantly contacting them. This may even mean that they end up making the next move, even if they haven’t done it before.

If that happens, the chances of a reunion will be greatly increased, plus it will be a result that nobody pushed to happen, which is a stronger foundation for the future.