Pain, in the physical and psychological sense, is a fact of our lives, and sometimes it can seem like we spend more time dealing with and experiencing pain than living pain-free. Admitting to ourselves and others that we are in pain requires breaking down barriers that most of us are not normally comfortable acknowledging or learning to manage. Because of these issues, we often allow pain to go unchallenged, which can lead to the cultivation of even more pain as the sum total of our experiences grows throughout our lives.
In many cases, we mask the pain we feel by outwardly expressing unwanted or unacceptable behaviors directed at others or at ourselves on occasion. The pain within us hides behind a mask of our own making, but we always feel its presence. There are also several different ways that we mask our pain. One of them is in the cultivation of feelings of betrayal that we can’t seem to stop bubbling up on the outermost surfaces of our psyche.
Naturally, once this feeling of betrayal makes an appearance in our conscious psyche, we begin to experience the need to betray, which in certain circumstances is a necessary “breakout” or abandonment of the nest. We see this when we start to move away from mothers and fathers as we get older and mature. This is a kind of rebellion against the old way of doing things and a step towards a new way of life for the person who “betrays” his or her parent(s). However, failure to resolve this betrayal can leave a person with unaddressed issues that can carry this trait of internal betrayal forward and project it onto other relationships, such as with a spouse, employer, or business associates, for example.
Loneliness, experienced within ourselves, is another way we mask our pain and hide it behind a construct that prevents those around us, or even ourselves, from seeing pain for what it really is, and if it can’t be seen, can never be adequately resolved. . In many cases, loneliness begins to occur when there is a sudden and possibly unwanted change in our objective reality or expectations for ourselves and others. When we don’t receive the love we expect in a relationship, for example, we begin to build a wall of mental and physical pain.
Many people who report problems with pain also demonstrate traits related to obsession or a perfectionist zero-flaws mentality. They become overly attached to material possessions, including people they believe “belong” to them. They have difficulty letting go of perceived slights and hurts and tend to become obsessed with the acquisition of material goods to a potentially damaging degree.
The old saying that “pride comes before the fall” is apt when it comes to describing a mask of pride used to disguise inner pain. Pride is not true strength and will often hide feelings of inadequacy, especially when displayed in inordinate amounts out of proportion to the feats or actions performed by a person, which now demands that they be worthy of high praise. Some call it stubborn pride, for example.
Sometimes psychic pain has given a person a mask of anxiety, which can manifest itself in real physical problems, such as anxiety attacks or chest pain and the like. It will also show up as depression, which can also cause real physical problems in people, refusing to let go of grief or anger, for example. Often, they will feel ashamed of themselves for what would seem to be unreasonable when stared at by an uninterested observer.
Lastly, people will often disguise their grief through acts of betrayal beyond what is considered the normal kind we commit by leaving the nest to strike out on our own. Outward manifestations can include lying to others and to oneself, punishing others for perceived slights, manipulating people, or seeking revenge for acts that may seem trivial to others.
