Never in my life did I become an honor student or even get the coveted Latino honor when I was in college. So every time I hear someone’s farewell speech, I can’t help but feel envious of their momentous success. Hearing that made me wish I could have their extraordinary wit, and it made me wonder if I took their brains out and put them in mine, would I be like them? Like those who are good enough to fit into this competitive world.

Why was I never an honor student? It all started during my elementary school days. In that period of my life, I had a hard time understanding our school textbook even if someone was teaching me. Therefore, I usually lost focus on the lessons my teacher was discussing. While my classmates expressed their hunger to learn, I was always imagining things and wishing for school to end so I could watch my favorite Cartoon Network shows. I knew, from that moment, that I was too different from the bright children who would be, as their parents hoped: doctor, lawyer, politician, and other more respected professions one day.

It continued when I was in high school. I never forced myself to study hard because I knew I couldn’t be as good as my classmates who wore 0.50m prescription glasses. My priority in high school was just passing it. I never aimed to be at the top because no matter how hard I studied, even if I burned all my eyebrows studying late-night lessons, I could never get a chance to be a Validectorian. So why should I stress, right? High school life is supposed to be about the fun things in life because that’s the time in your life where you really live young. I have to experience falling in love, hanging out late at night, moving around the square, skipping class sometimes and sleeping over. With that in mind, I never forced myself to digest bits of information, especially in Mathematics. Those tangents and co-tangents, the 360 ​​degree triangle, problem solving were never my friends, I took Mathematics tests multiple times as a result just to pass.

Then university camera. It was a very different life. At this stage, the achievements were very hard. How I wished I had studied hard in high school so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by all the pressures that college life demands. I was humiliated by my bad grammar and poor public speaking skills since I was a Communication student. My reasoning and thinking skills did not improve much unlike my classmates who spoke and wrote well polished essays and speeches. I took trigonometry twice because I quit. I felt hopeless when I was in college, and classic “what ifs” like “what if I studied hard when I was in high school?” skills were highly developed’; however, he could not turn back time. I knew it was my fault, not my high school life.

What motivated me to change was seeing the disappointment register in my parents’ eyes every time I showed them my grades. It’s kind of depressing, especially knowing that my older sister is constantly on the dean’s list, while I’m the only loser who was luckily able to get near passing grades. My parents are working hard just to send me to college, while I, even if they didn’t express it, just wanted to see that I’m doing my best as a show of all their efforts. I did. I tried. So, as a result of my difficulties, I graduated from college on time without any awards or honors.

After college, I began to experience the true cruelty of life. I proved all my parents’ advice about life to be true. That outside world is really survival of the fittest, and the competition is very close. That me is definitely not good enough. I’m just good for nothing, a boy-nothing-young-immature-who doesn’t know what to do with his life but just to have fun. But not everything will be handed to you on a silver platter, especially if you don’t have connections. So I started at the bottom and sweated. Being at the bottom, I couldn’t stop thinking about past events of my life, I had so much fun that I neglected to prepare for my future. I made terrible mistakes, my young age should be a starting point for establishing a backbone. Good grades really do matter, especially nowadays where all are measured in numbers.

At the end of everything, I believe that it is not too late to change. It may not be me who gave the valedictory speech or good enough of others, but I’m pushing myself to fight harder to also get an ace in this competitive world that works in its own right and designations under people’s names.