Some time ago I met a young woman who had come to see me worried because she felt that I was a lesbian. She wanted to date a girl, but she only attracted boys. Her friends told her to settle for what she could get because she was too girly to be in a relationship with another girl. She wondered if she should date men and give up the search for her lesbian soul mate.

Absolutely not! He likes what she likes and who she likes. It is not the choice of your friends. You have to remain as you are and not change for anyone. I personally know a lot of lesbians who love girly girls. They love girls for a reason. It doesn’t matter how she dresses. If you think about it, men like pretty and feminine girls. If a lesbian wanted a manly girl, she would just be with a man. Don’t get me wrong, there are lesbians who love tomboys, but there are plenty who don’t. She must never give up the search because there is someone for everyone. She’s out there and I’m sure she’ll find her.

If you are lesbian or bisexual, never be afraid of your sexuality. There is no way to stop who you are. Your real friends will accept who you are and love you for you. And if they don’t, then they don’t matter anyway. Being a lesbian is nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, it makes life more interesting.

So where can you meet some lesbians? This is a tough question for anyone new to the lesbian/bisexual scene. The first place that comes to mind is the lesbian bar. In many cities and towns, a lesbian bar might be the only place to meet women. If you’re not a fan of bars/clubs, try going on a weekday night when the atmosphere is a bit quieter and friendlier.

Another good place to go is a gay and lesbian center. Most major cities have one and it can be a great place to meet people. Many gay and lesbian centers have support groups, rap groups, book and movie groups, and political action activities. Find one that feels right to you and you’re sure to meet other like-minded lesbians and bisexuals.

Every town has some sort of recreational sports team, whether it’s softball, volleyball, or basketball. Almost all the lesbians and bisexuals I know love sports. Some cities have entire leagues for gay and lesbian athletes, others have teams that are “known” to be the teams that lesbians play on. You don’t have to be an athlete to get in on the action. Sports like softball and soccer often have many lesbians in the stands watching. It’s a great place for people to watch and start a conversation with a stranger.

If you are looking for a lesbian partner with similar interests to yours, get involved in activities that interest you. Volunteer at the local animal shelter, join the local garden club or bird watching group. There may be few lesbians out there, but you know you will have something in common with them.

A very good way to meet them is through friends and co-workers. Don’t be embarrassed, let them know that you want to meet other lesbians and bisexuals. Ask them to treat you to dinner or a game night. Let them know that you are just looking to make friends. Once you meet one or two lesbians that you get along with, you may end up meeting their friends and being welcomed into a new circle of people.

Then there is the Internet. One of the best places to meet lesbians to date and also a great place to meet women for friendship. You can put up an ad that says you’re just looking to make friends and respond to ads from other women who say the same thing. Who knows, you might even hit it off with someone and take it further pretty quickly. Be careful meeting people on the Internet! Always meet in a very public place a few times until you get to know the person well.

I know for a fact that every major city has a neighborhood where gays and lesbians tend to live. I’m sure there will be a coffee shop where lesbians congregate.

The last place I can think of is the local gay newspaper. There may be personal announcements, a calendar of events, or announcements of dances, plays, art shows, concerts, and other activities. Take a look at one that interests you. Invite a gay-friendly straight friend to come along if you’re too shy to go solo.

One more thing I want to add to this topic is recognizing when a lesbian is interested in you. All women flirt equally whether with a man or with a woman. Lots of contact and giddiness, lots of eye contact, completely engrossed in conversation, it’s really not hard to tell. They will make it pretty obvious that they like you. So don’t worry, have fun and be yourself!