Mothers are the greatest givers of advice since God said: “Let there be light.” Some, not me, refer to it as maternal instinct.

My own mother gave me splendid advice as a child. Unfortunately, a lot of Mom’s advice didn’t clarify anything. Absolutely nothing at all.

Let me summarize some advice my mother gave me that, to this day, I have no idea what she was talking about.

I clearly remember my mother standing in front of me, with her hands on her hips, scolding me for something and then saying, “Who do you think you are?”

This always bothered me and made me think about my birth. When I was young, I often pondered this question myself.

As with most teenagers, I had long moments of identity crisis. (When you’re young, most of your energy goes into producing hormones, so the brain runs on low voltage.) I was very confused that the person who should know who I was asked me the question that he had been asking me. If she doesn’t know who I am, what hope do I have?

Then came the moment when I asked my mother for money. He turned around and replied, “Do you think money grows on trees?”

Until then, I have never given much thought to the matter. I just assumed that the money came from my father going to work and getting paid. However, here was something new to ponder. Where does the money really come from? What added to my confusion was the name of our bank The Elm Tree Branch of the First National Bank of Harrisburg. Now he was totally confused.

When I was very young, I remember asking my mother for something at the store. I think it was a small toy that I loved and asked my mother to buy it for me. She flatly refused. I complained and demanded to know why. She looked me straight in the eye and said, “Because I’m the mother, that’s why.”

To this day, I still don’t know what that statement meant. What did being a mother have to do with buying that toy?

When he saw my confusion, he said, “When you have your own children, you will understand.” I have my own children and grandchildren, and I still don’t know what he meant. It must be a mother thing, which is all I know.

Then came the moment when I wanted to do something with some friends and my mother wouldn’t let me. “But everyone else is leaving,” I protested to no avail. It was then that my mother gave me her opinion on the current situation.

“What if EVERYONE jumped off a cliff? Would you do it too?”

What confused me was that no one was going to jump off any cliffs. In fact, no one in their right mind would ever think of such a stupid thing. Nobody, that is, except my mother. I figured he must have gotten his sadistic side from his mother. It must be something that mothers pass on to their daughters, because as a man, I don’t understand it.

The most memorable of your nuggets of wisdom for me is that advice that I still follow. Before I left the house, my mother would tell me, “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you get in a car accident and have to go to the hospital.”

I never knew what clean underwear has to do with going to the hospital, but that advice was for the worst day of my high school years. Just as I walked into the school parking lot one day, I realized that I had forgotten to put on clean underwear. Panic ran through my teenage heart like never before. I was sure that some disaster awaited me in the next corridor.

At the end of the day, he was a nervous wreck. Driving home, I was sure that something would happen to me, that it would take me to the hospital. I figured they were going to take me to surgery and the first thing the medical team asked me was, “Check your underwear to see if it’s clean.”

Finding that my underwear was not clean, they denied me any medical attention and sent me back to my mother. To this day, I am paranoid about wearing fresh, clean underwear every day. I have my mother to thank for that.

Looking back at what I learned after years of listening to my mother’s advice, I only have one piece of wisdom to pass on to you for those moments with your mother. The next time your mom makes one of those unusual parenting statements, just smile and ask her, “When you were my age, did you walk to school or bring your lunch?”

She will be confused and you will be on par.

The one thing my mother did that I will always be grateful for is that she encouraged me to read my Bible. He bought me my first Bible and encouraged me to read and study it every day.

In that Bible, when I was young, I came across a scripture verse that has left me in times of trouble. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3: 5-6).

Thank you mom and happy mother’s day.