Ripley: How long after we’re declared dead can we expect a ransom?

hicks: [pause] Seventeen days.

Hudson: Seventeen *days?* Hey, I don’t want your parade to get rained on, but we’re not going to last seventeen *hours!* Those things are going to get here like they did before. And they’re coming in here…

Ripley: Hudson!

Hudson: …and they’re going to come in here AND GET US!

Ripley: Hudson! This girl survived longer than that with no weapons and no training.

[to Newt]

Ripley: Right?

[Newt apes a salute]

Hudson: Why don’t you put her in charge?

–Aliens (1986) source: IMDB.com

When guys come to me with their relationship problems and dilemmas, even before I open the email, I know what’s missing. I know what’s wrong.

The same thing that is missing in your relationship. The same thing that is missing in your work. For the same reason, even in the highest echelons of team sports (despite tons of individual excellence), excellence as a group is very rare.

Missing?

Leadership.

And leadership is especially troublesome for the nice guy.

In this article, I’ll give you the basics of what leadership is and what it isn’t. Then I’ll give you the first step.

The form that leadership takes in relationships is a particular mark that I call Leadership. And quite simply, Management is making decisions. Like in a car. Sped up? Decelerate? Pass that yellow light? Should I take the highway or stick to the back roads? Is this a good time to take the scenic route?

And finally it all comes down to one really simple idea: Given the reality I understand about the current situation, what do I think is the best way to get us where we are going?

Some things that the address is not. The address is not:

• Bullying
• get away with it
• be right
• to be better
• being obeyed

Some things about the direction are…

• have a place to go
• have a plan to get there
• Being able to invite others along
• be able to answer
• Being able to stretch, grow, fail, look stupid, change, go to plan B or plan Z and do whatever it takes within your values ​​and beliefs to make it all happen.
• Not be willing to compromise your values.
• Not being willing to settle for less than what you really want

These last three are especially important. Because I see them put aside many men and relationships. So I want you to reread those lists. And really think about some times you’ve been trying to Lead. And then I want you to think about how different your life would be if you knew how to execute those principles effectively.

Now, before we close, let’s give you the first step in starting to learn to drive.

Practice.

You need practice. And the tool for practice is the Secret Identity Project.

How the Secret Identity Project works:

1. Choose a project of your interests and hobbies. (ie learning to play the trumpet).

2. Schedule practice sessions with at least one other person at least once a week. (Sign up for lessons at the music store.)

3. Choose a goal to complete 20-30 days from today. (Learn a song.)

4. Design a performance test in front of other people. (Perform your song at a live open mic night at the local microbrewery.)

5. Don’t tell this to your girl.

If he asks, don’t lie, just play it down. minimize it Tell her: It’s nothing, just something I’m trying.. Say as little as possible. She will most likely roll her eyes and ignore you. She might play a power play on how long you go without adoring her. That’s the idea. Do not go back. But be elegant.

Now, some guys will notice that you’re not really leading anyone else in this task. That is true, but you are guiding yourself. He is also being challenged to schedule practices. To make time for something that is important only to you. That’s the other idea.

So take your wheel.

Start your engine.

Be good.