As business owners, leaders, and busy professionals (often with lives of work, volunteering, and family), it can be challenging to prioritize let alone follow through when it comes to truly taking care of yourself. Sometimes this topic is dismissed as a fluffy girly problem. However, while men don’t typically get manicures or pedicures or schedule coffee chats with friends, both men and women need to make sure they are resting and replenishing their own energy. This is taking care of yourself.

When we don’t take care of ourselves, we put ourselves in a position of increased vulnerability to stress, resulting in reduced emotional management and a pathway to burnout. While our self-care actions may not make it to our top 10 list today, it’s time to start adding them to your list! Before you make a “ideal” list, you’ll need to understand what self-care means to you.

For years my friends and family have berated me for burning the candle at both ends and for having to take care of myself. Sometimes it was difficult to understand what they wanted to say. I knew I was busy, but I was doing things that were important to me, that I loved, and that I found energy and space for. My friends and family would say that space was at the cost of my downtime, but sometimes I felt confused about what I was supposed to be doing. I couldn’t imagine sitting at home reading a book for 3 hours or even a single hour, or taking a whole day to go hiking while trying to do the hobbies I enjoyed. It felt like an oxymoron: “Relax and take care of yourself, but don’t schedule anything.” How do you get a massage without booking it and where do I squeeze it into my busy schedule? Usually, he would reply, “I’m fine.” I had a few self-care items scheduled into my day and felt very energized despite my work, but I knew I wasn’t really taking care of myself or taking time for downtime luxuries, but it seemed more stressful to plan them in the day too.

What finally caught my attention, as is true for many, is when my body couldn’t keep up with me the way it used to. After my second daughter was born, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Hypothyroidism. The symptoms are supposed to include tiredness, mental confusion, body aches, etc. I thought: “What’s new? You just have to push it.” The diagnosis didn’t really change anything except increase the concern of my friends and family that I calm down and take care of myself. Enjoying productivity and getting things done, I maintained a full schedule with 2 jobs, family, and a heavy volunteer schedule.

So, I reached my 40 years. While I was enjoying everything I was doing, I found that a fair amount of stress came with what little margin I allowed myself. The combination of stress and health is what I attribute to some anxiety challenges I started having that ended in panic attacks. This got my attention. I tried to handle this new challenge with mediation, but found that it had additional side effects. I tried to go back to my years of choices and efforts to exercise, meditate, journal, have quiet time, etc. I started noticing the activities of those who were getting older but looked young vs. those who were the same age who looked old. That’s when I began to consider how my low margins helped me get a lot done, but added significantly to my stress load. My stress load contributed to my committed help and increased anxiety which then had its own ripple effect.

So maybe you’re still in denial about self-care and people are telling you to slow down, or maybe you’ve had your own moment of change and recognize the importance of self-care. I believe that everyone needs to take care of their body, mind and spirit that they have, but speaking to those who move and shake in motion, you need to take care of yourself especially. You connect with a lot of people, you have an impact, and depending on your level of self-care, it will affect your ability to keep doing what you’re doing, as well as the degree of positivity you share while doing it. So how do you do it?

#1) The Fundamentals. Fundamentals are those things that contribute to your continued sustainability. When we are healthy and young, we can easily take advantage of this health and get away with not doing the fundamentals. The older we get, the more we see the impact of this lack of self-care or the incredible ways of those who took the time. Health research and articles continually have similar suggestions:

– SLEEP. Do not fool yourself. You need 8 hours.

– MOVE. Even a daily walk is better than nothing. Get a pedometer. Do 10K steps. Get out (I lived in MN, I know how hard that can be).

– WATER. Drinking your body weight in water is ideal, but for some of us, simply MORE water is a win. Add lemon wedges or whatever helps you get as much as possible every day.

– GREEN. Eat more greens and vegetables (kale, spinach, etc.). Honestly, good greens are hard for me, but the more often you add them to your diet, the easier it becomes.

– ANTIOXIDANTS. Either with good foods (turmeric, cinnamon, oregano, cranberries, nuts, etc.) or a great supplement.

– BREATHE. Whether it’s classic meditation or just 10 deep breaths a day, increase your moments to relax, de-stress, and fill your body with oxygen.

#2) Restoring your Body, Mind and Spirit. I believe there is a difference between self care checklist and learning to listen to my inner self and intuition for self care. A checklist can be used to help brainstorm, get started, or allow you to experiment with different options of what is really needed. The deepest self-care is not about being a slave to a checklist, but about answering the call of the inner self. For example, if you are thirsty, the body needs water. You could look at the drinks menu: soft drinks, tea, coffee, juices, water… but you know what your body really needs, listen to your body and you will know that if you try to drink the other options you will still be thirsty. The body needs water to cool itself. Likewise, in our self-care it is important to learn to listen to ourselves and listen to what our body, mind and spirit ask of us.

– Examples of checklists that include activities of common self-care suggestions in your daily and weekly routine:

– Body (helps your body feel better physically): massages, walking outdoors, eating a salad, exercising, stretching, taking a 10-minute break, eating fruit, having breakfast, drinking more water, reducing sugar, sunbathe, laugh

– Mind (helps reduce stress and clear the mind to relax): meditation, playing the piano or an instrument, reading a book, journaling, making a list, setting a limit, reading positive quotes and inspirations, ordering, disconnecting for an hour

– Spirit (enlivens the heart, brings joy and a sense of inner peace): coffee with friends, listening to music, going out, dining out, reading the Bible, prayer, keeping a folder of cards and reviewing, reducing or eliminating toxic and negative. people in your feeds, volunteer

– Intuitive direction. When you are able to listen to your intuition and your inner voice, it will tell you what you need. It may sound like things on the self-care list or it may be completely random. You may not want to do it, but understand how wise your body is and trust that it is giving you good direction in what you need. Could be like this:

– You’ve been inside all day on your computer. You feel sluggish and tired. You ask yourself: “What do I need to recharge?” GO FOR A WALK.

– You have felt uninspired and unmotivated. You ask yourself: “What do I need to refuel?”

– You feel lonely even though you have people around you. You ask yourself, “What do I need to renew?” CALL YOUR OLD BFF FOR DRINKS.

– You feel overwhelmed and behind. You ask yourself “What do I need to de-stress?” MAKE A LIST.

– You feel frustrated and nervous about all your projects. You ask yourself, “What do I need to relax?” LISTEN TO MUSIC AND GO FOR A WALK.

Whatever it is, the point is that there is no right or wrong. It is not an act of magic. It is listening to your inner self and allowing your body to creatively tell you what is needed. This may sound a bit ‘woo-woo’ and I hope I’m clear that I’m not talking about anything illegal or inappropriate, but as you get used to listening to your body (through being still and calming your mind and listening to your heart) , you’ll get helpful insights that don’t just come from your head and never-to-do list, but truly renewing and uplifting self-care that’s just for you, right now and now to help you be at your best!