I remember how excited I would be if I met someone who showed true relationship potential in the months or even weeks leading up to the holiday season. Finally! This Christmas it could be part of a relationship: a couple! In fact, I might have someone show up with me for the office Christmas party and Christmas family reunion! Someone to exchange romantic gifts and snuggle with on cold nights; to kiss under the mistletoe.

And the best part was that I would have someone to spend New Year’s Eve with: it wouldn’t just be another year taking care of my nephews so my sister and her husband could celebrate their union (as much as I loved being Aunt Jane, in Seriously, they could find another babysitter for one night!).

But most of the time the timing didn’t work out and I was, once again, only for vacations. Alone in every sense of the word, no matter how much time I spent with my family. Just in a season where everyone was full of enthusiasm for the season of love, peace and joy. Alone in a world where it seemed like everyone else had someone to spend it with except me. I was outside looking in with no way to get past. there was no me and himjust me.

So there she would be, single again for the holidays. I would go to my best friend’s (married) house or my sister-in-law and brother-in-law’s house. And of course, they were all oblivious to what was going on. For me, they had it all: a husband, kids, the house, a pet or two. I loved being around them, but it also brought out what was missing in my life. And that I didn’t have a life like theirs. as I wanted to have someone in my life. Even if her life wasn’t always perfect, it was much more perfect than what I was living.

The conversation would always turn to how I was doing. As soon as he did, I felt a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, because I knew what question was coming next. What about that guy you were dating? They would ask. what it was wrong with him? What I really felt like they were asking was “What is wrong with you?” I mean, it wasn’t like I hadn’t already been asking myself those same questions. But hearing it come from the same people who were supposed to be my support system, well, that made things a lot worse. Because I really didn’t have an answer. .

The truth is, I really didn’t know what had gone wrong with the last one. Why had any of my relationships not worked out? Why none of them evolved into the relationships they had shown such potential to be. I didn’t know if something was wrong with me, but I was sure I was beginning to think so. I think that was the hardest part of all.

When I left their cozy little worlds to get into my car onlyto drive back to my one bedroom apartment only, the tears would begin. They would start with a drip until they rolled down my cheeks; Could barely see through them to drive. I would run to the door, lock it behind me, and let everything out. It was like my sad little annual Christmas tradition.

So how do we get through this season without so much sadness and feelings of loneliness? I don’t think anything can completely eliminate those feelings, and we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t have them, but at least there are some things we can do to help us get through what can sometimes be less than teasing. happy season everyone.

With a little shift in focus and a lot of love for yourself, this can be a really special time. So here’s my list of the top things that have gotten me through the (more than a few) Christmas seasons I spent as a single girl…

1.cry

Let those tears flow. This is one of the most overlooked, but also one of the most important things to do this season. So often we try to hold back those tears; keeping that smile on our faces, acting like everything is fine, not wanting anyone to see our sadness during the season that is supposed to be filled with so much joy. Let them out! Tears are so healing if we let them flow as nature intended. Whatever helps them flow, let them out. Play beautiful Christmas music and let it out. All of your hopes and dreams and wishes for the season, all of those things that you hoped you had been by now. Mourn it all They’re healing the tears and there’s a reason they need to get out, so you can get to the other side. But stay with them completely as you feel your heart break, grieving over all those things you wanted to be in your life that haven’t worked out (yet). And know that after the tears, healing will come. But let those tears flow until there’s nothing left. That’s when you’re ready to get up and get moving; Because we have something of life to do!

2. Socialize

So here’s the thing. You’re not the only one who feels this way at this time of year. Almost everyone, male or female, whether they admit it or not, goes through some feelings of loneliness during this time. So going out and finding others like you (read: non-attached singles) can only be good for you. To reinforce that you really are not alone. Actually. So find your favorite places to congregate, whether it’s your favorite coffee shop, the top of the mountain, the sandy beach (if you live somewhere warm), the frozen pond (for our northern friends), some planned singles event , wherever you can find other singles to meet and mingle in your neck of the woods, go there. And enjoy. Don’t bring expectations with you, just be. Just enjoy the art of meeting and mingling without any idea of ​​what you will or won’t get out of it. Trust me, you’ll feel better just going outside and seeing that you really aren’t alone. And it sure beats sitting alone in our apartment feeling sorry for ourselves (I mean, we’re done with all the crying, so now it’s just boring!).

3. Give back

Whether it’s volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about or donating toys to a local toy drive, giving yourself the gift of time and/or money will make you feel great about what you can contribute in the future. this season. You will experience the wonderful feeling of knowing that you made a difference in someone’s life, just by being yourself and helping someone who needs a little extra help this time of year. Find something you really enjoy doing so that you can have fun while also getting the genuine feeling of happiness that comes from making someone’s day. And if you can combine this with something social, all the better. Remember that this is one of the loneliest times for older people, especially widows and widowers who have a different kind of loneliness, but also feel very lonely.

4. Get active

Studies have clearly shown that exercise can help us beat the blues, so get off the couch, get out there, and get moving! Getting the heart rate up, the blood pumping, and clearing our minds and bodies is very healing. It relieves stress and helps distract us from what is bothering us. Whether it’s ice skating, snowshoeing, hiking, biking, dancing, whatever it is you enjoy, get out there and do it. This can also be good to combine with the no. Tip #2: Socialize. Join a hiking, skiing, or biking club. Take that yoga class you’ve been thinking about. There is no better time than now, so go ahead!

5. Spend time with the kids

Seriously, you can never spend too much time with young children this time of year. Their parents will love you for it, you’ll be so blessed to be surrounded by little people who just know how to live in the present without a care in the world, and the kids will love their time with you as a fun new playmate. They have a way of putting everything into perspective by just living so fully, so carelessly, that it can’t help but rub off on you. New Year’s Eve with my nephews was the best thing after a date, and their eagerness to stay up until midnight (even though they never did) will be enough to make you forget why you’re home alone. Beacause you are not. You are the best thing after sliced ​​bread for these little ones who have enough energy to work out while you hang out with them. So whether you have nieces, nephews, friends’ children, church children, neighbors’ children, wherever you find them, try to spend time with them over the holidays. And if you don’t have one that you’re close enough to, consider becoming a big sister; That’s another wonderful thing you can do for someone who may also be having a hard time with the holidays (and ties in to #3 – give it back!). If you’re more than a little skeptical, give it a try. If it doesn’t feel natural to you at first, just wait, you’ll like it! Sometimes as adults we need to relearn how to play, which can also be very therapeutic.

6. Celebrate you

This is the last thing to do, but the easiest to forget; celebrate you! Whether it means getting a facial, a manicure, a pedicure, a massage, a makeover, giving yourself a special gift, going somewhere special, taking the class you want to take, whatever that means to you, do it. something special for you that you normally wouldn’t do. Treat yourself as you would like an important person to treat you, because that is what you deserve!

And above all, when you’re tempted to slip back into discouragement, remember that one of the reasons you’re lonely is because you refuse to settle for anything less than you deserve. Sure, you could be in a relationship, have a guy in your life. But that is not the point. You’re not here just for any boy do you want the real thing! And that is exactly what you deserve. Nothing less. It could mean that this holiday season is not the time for you and him…still. And when you think about it like that, and remember that it’s about his choice, you will realize that you are powerful and in control of your current single status.

This is about you!