If you’ve been reading about the codependent woman and codependency, you probably know that the codependent woman is often attracted to and bonds with a man with mental health issues. She could be an alcoholic or a drug addict. She could suffer from a personality disorder such as narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder. However, the man could very well suffer from addictions and a personality disorder at the same time.

Even if the man doesn’t really have a full-blown personality disorder, he probably has enough mental health problems that he won’t be able to give the woman the kind of relationship he really wants. For example, while most women look forward to a partner, he may want to control her. He could also be abusive to achieve this goal. And while the narcissistic man may rely primarily on verbal abuse or emotional abuse to achieve his goals, the man suffering from antisocial personality disorder tends to become physically abusive, often beginning with verbal abuse and emotional abuse, and then add physical abuse.

In fact, the man with a personality disorder and addiction problems is not able to give the woman what she wants in a relationship. He is not only prone to being abusive, but he is essentially incapable of love, either to give it or to receive it. At first he may seem very strong, or he may seem quite romantic and loving. Sex can be great too. But once this type of man believes that he has the woman hooked, things can change drastically. Since he likely singled her out because of her tendency toward codependency, which he probably picked up on right away, she’s likely to stay away from her, confused as to why he doesn’t treat her the way he would. did before her. She keeps waiting for the days of wine and roses to return when instead they are likely over forever. However, she’ll believe him when she tells him that if she did such and such better, or such and such different, those good days might be back!

sure, anything could happen. But that doesn’t mean it ever will. And, in the case of the relationship with the narcissistic, abusive, and addicted man, the woman may well become a pretzel to try to please him, but he will never be pleased. Of course, she doesn’t realize that he needs to always be right. That means he must make her wrong. In fact, she needs to be better than others. That means he must do it less than. So, she will always lose. But, because of her codependency, she may continue to deny what is really going on, the dynamics in her relationship that he is unwilling to change, as they serve him so well.

All abusive relationships affected by PTSD are not the same

But what about a relationship we’re seeing more of now and will see more of in the future, the one affected by post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD? Do women who are in relationships with abusive and addicted PTSD patients also suffer from codependency? After all, many people who suffer from PTSD are angry and can be verbally and emotionally abusive. In fact, some will become physically violent, even killing their partner. Many PTSD patients abuse alcohol and drugs to try to better manage troublesome PTSD symptoms, which only increases the chances that the patient will become abusive towards her partner.

To answer the question about codependency, you need to consider whether the woman was already in a relationship with this person before he developed PTSD, or whether she was involved with a long-term PTSD person who had these types of problems ever since. the beginning. beginning of her relationship? Also, has this PTSD patient done nothing to try to deal with the troublesome PTSD symptoms? In the first case, the woman could have sent her partner to the war zone seeing her lover as a type of man. If she developed PTSD as a result of that experience, she may have come back as an apparent stranger. The symptoms of PTSD can do that to a person and thus change the nature of their relationship overnight into something that is the antithesis of warmth and love. As mentioned above, it could turn deadly, in fact.

The woman involved with someone who more recently developed PTSD and exhibits challenging behaviors due to PTSD should be concerned about her physical and emotional well-being, as well as that of any children present, because the person suffering from PTSD can be both a danger for others as well as for himself. She might actually have suicidal and homicidal thoughts, thoughts that she would never have had before she developed PTSD. So the woman in a relationship with such a man should always have a safety plan and be prepared to go. At the same time, though, if he’s getting help for those PTSD symptoms, she should be hopeful that things can get better. She’s likely to want to stick it out and support him because, in fact, her support will probably help him improve and become more like the man he once was. While she may never become the same person because war changes people, for example, that doesn’t mean they can’t have a good relationship and a happy family again.

The woman who hopes that her will to continue giving to the man who has suffered from PTSD for years, but without seeking treatment, faces a different situation. She needs to realize that she has helped people suffering from PTSD long term. So instead of just giving and giving like a codependent woman often does, she may want to stop and ask her partner if she’s considered getting psychotherapy to help him better manage his PTSD symptoms. Also, does she realize that there are medications that could help control those symptoms as well? If he indicates that she tried those things and they didn’t work, then she may need to stop and ask herself if there are things wrong with this image that she can’t change. Or, if he says that no one can help him, only weaklings seek help, or he certainly doesn’t have any mental health issues but she falls victim to them quite often, then she should probably erase the denial from her and stare. . the face of reality in its place.

It can be sad that someone has to develop and suffer from PTSD. But since the person with PTSD has allowed her life to be ruined by those PTSD symptoms, should the woman stay and ruin her life too? She can make a conscious choice to do so; for example, she believes that this is her purpose or mission and, no matter what sacrifices she must make, she certainly will. But if she simply finds herself doing this because she is used to being walked all over or used and abused by others because this happened to her in childhood, then you may want to consider the fact that she is behaving codependently. Also, she may want to work to stop being codependent.

By the way, we are not trying to blame or condemn the victim of PTSD. The PTSD patient likely experienced one or more traumatic events outside of her control. Then his brain reacted in ways the individual couldn’t control, at least not at first. But since the brain is more malleable than mental health experts once believed, with the right therapy, it may be possible to rewire the brain in such a way that PTSD symptoms disappear entirely, or at least become more severe. manageable. In addition, psychotherapists know techniques to teach PTSD patients so that they can better manage any remaining symptoms.

If you are concerned about a woman who tends to sit back and take abuse from her partner, take responsibility for problems created by PTSD symptoms, or engage in other behaviors that she considers to be loving and caring while raising eyebrows at you and others , you may want to gently suggest that you suspect he might be suffering from codependency. Besides, she might well be doing herself and her partner a favor by pushing for him to recover from those debilitating symptoms of PTSD and she from codependency.