“Nothing has a stronger influence
psychologically in your environment
ment and especially in their children
than the unlived life of the parents. ”
–CG Jung
After a bad night with hardly any sleep, you are sitting in front of the computer staring at the blank screen. You wonder if you can do it: finish that article, short story or novel that you started months ago. The need to write is overwhelming, but you freeze. Not only are you exhausted, but the baby, whom you put to sleep less than half an hour ago, is whining in the crib. Your four-year-old son just broke into the office and is pulling his elbow for a snack, even though he had lunch an hour ago. This is useless, I can better put it down, you tell yourself as you try to suppress a scream. To your horror, you suddenly find yourself sympathizing with those animals that eat their young …
Do not despair. Take it easy. I’ve been there and I know exactly what you’re going through.
The truth is that you can write, but you need to have four things:
The right frame of mind
Before planning a schedule, the most important thing is to think about the correct framework. Remember that your children will not stay small forever. Time passes fast (I assure you it does!) And they will soon be old enough to go to school. However, until that magical day arrives, you will have to “steal” time to work on your project. Wanting to finish an entire novel in a month at this point in your life is unrealistic. Don’t focus so much on the “end product”, but rather make a little of that “end product” at a time. Small paragraphs are what articles, stories and novels are made of. The important thing is constant progress and as long as you take the necessary steps to meet the path, you will be on the right track. These little bird steps, no matter how small, will give you a sense of accomplishment and keep you guilt-free to enjoy your life and family.
Good physical condition
You might think, “Fitness? I thought this was an article on writing.” Well, you can bet it is. Let’s face it, moms who take care of young children are always tired. And tired people don’t particularly like sitting in front of the computer and writing; they want to collapse into a bed. Moms urgently need to raise their energy levels! A good diet and a little exercise can do wonders for raising energy levels. Eat foods rich in protein and lots of fruits and vegetables. Stay away from white flour and sugar, as well as junk food. Go for three meals a day with a light, healthy snack in the afternoon and another before going to bed. However, stay away from those high energy bars. They are so high in carbohydrates that your sugar levels will skyrocket and then drop, leaving you feeling even more tired and hungry than before. Low-fat cottage cheese and a couple of almonds, with a little fruit, are a great option for a snack. Drink plenty of water! Scientists have found that dehydration is one of the main factors that make a person feel tired.
Finding time to exercise can be difficult, so it’s a good idea to do it with your child. If you have a stationary bike or other exercise machine, do 15 minutes while your child watches the Teletubbies. You don’t need to exercise for a full hour. Even 10 minutes will do. Take your baby for a stroll in the stroller at least 3 times a week, preferably in the morning when it is cool and calm. It will calm your nerves, rejuvenate you, and even inspire you. Your baby will love it too. Not only will you enjoy the “sights and sounds”, but it will probably tire you out and make you want to take a longer nap later in the day – just what you’re looking for!
A well-planned schedule
Okay, so you’re in the right frame of mind and you’re eating right and exercising. Whats Next? A well-planned schedule that fits your lifestyle and plays around your strengths and weaknesses is a must. But keep an open mind and don’t be unrealistic. If your baby naps in the afternoon, don’t set his time for writing in the morning or vice versa. The length of each writing session depends on your lifestyle and the habits of the children. You can choose to write for half an hour every day or an hour every other day. It’s up to you. The important thing here is to keep it accessible and stick with it.
There is one thing I highly recommend: if you can manage it, take no more than two nights off from your project. Not only will it stop your urge, but it will give your brain plenty of time to think of doubts and excuses for procrastination.
You may be wondering: But how do I get rid of my children?
If your children are old enough to go to daycare, your problems are solved. Just set your writing schedule during those hours. For those of you whose children are still at home, there are other possibilities:
Write early in the morning before your children wake up, during their naps during the day, and after they go to sleep at night. (See why you have to stay in good physical condition?) I have a friend who wrote two books this way.
If you can afford a babysitter, maybe your neighbor’s teenage daughter, to watch your son while he writes in the next room (that way you can keep a close eye on them), do it!
Write while your child watches his favorite video movie. Do you want to see it again? Go ahead! This is not the right time to consider the effects of too much television on children.
Go to the local library and write while your child listens to Story Time! Almost all libraries, and even bookstores, schedule story times for children. Take advantage of these.
If you have a writer friend who is also a mom, claim her as your “writing buddy”, take the kids to McDonald’s and write while your kids play in those strange tunnels of games. “Hey, wait a minute!” You believe “You said to stay away from junk food.” Nice try, but even McDonald’s now offers a good selection of salads and fruit cocktails. Also, I never said that an occasional burger would kill you. You might even reward yourself with a hamburger … AFTER you’ve met your minimum writing quota for that day.
Invite your mom or writing buddies to a “writing morning” at your home and write while your children play together. They can take turns with their homes. Also, as a group, you may consider hiring a babysitter for these occasions. Writing with a support group of people who are in the same situation as you is often very rewarding and productive. Plus, it’s a lot cheaper when each of you contributes to pay for the babysitter. You may even want to start a club and meet once a week.
Determination
None of the above will help if you are not determined to stick to a schedule. Think about it. Do you want to reach the age of seventy without having achieved your goal, that masterpiece of a novel that will give you multiple contracts, fame and fortune? You will never know unless you take the first step. Family, and especially your children, should always come first BUT do not use your children as an excuse not to write. The truth is, life is so hectic that there will NEVER be a “perfect” time to write. I assure you, if not kids, then they will come up with something else as their procrastinator. It can be difficult to follow the program at first and you may need to modify it, but eventually you will be glad you did. Otherwise, you will live with guilt, self-loathing, disappointment, and frustration.
Should. Start today. Now.
Don’t forget: frustrated writers are frustrated moms. Frustrated moms are unhappy moms. Artistically fulfilled moms are happy moms who can give themselves to their loved ones without reservation.
