Mother Teresa is such an intriguing and perplexing figure that she suffered from self-doubt, as revealed in recent books, so the idea of ​​learning more about her from a sister of her Missionaries of Charity is appealing. The book was not disappointing, as Mother Teresa is seen as perhaps a more real person than in other books. She is not diminished in this view; she just seems larger than life and holy.

This book, however, also provides a critical look at Mother Teresa’s order, showing the hypocrisy, at times, and the warts in what is, after all, an institution run by flawed but wonderful people. The view presented is insightful as the author worked in that environment for more than twenty years. I admired Johnson’s ability to thrive, despite and because of his flaws and strengths. He made the story powerful without whitewashing the negatives or dismissing the positives. Despite his decision to leave the nuns and his vows, he never gives up his faith in Mother Teresa. The power of Mother Teresa continues.

This is a good story, well told. We see the community of sisters as if we were there ourselves, experiencing the ups and downs. The fact that the low points ultimately won was sad, but well established throughout Johnson’s history. It is not a surprise that she decides to leave. That life is not for everyone; a person must be exceptionally strong to withstand the demands.

We get another glimpse of the suffering we all know Mother Teresa experienced, but we also see the struggles that all the Missionaries of Charity nuns endured in physical pain and loneliness. There is much more that can be said as to why suffering seems to be so prominent in the Church. If life is about suffering, isn’t it also about joy? One does not have the sense of balance in this story either from the individual sisters or from Mother Teresa herself.

Another concept that strikes me is that Johnson wanted to be an individual, with less and less strict “Rules”, the main reason, it seems, why he left the church. What was so understandable and made his story empathetic to many of us is his statement: “He longed to be noticed, appreciated, approved.” Wow, that is so true for so many. The honesty in that statement is what draws readers to Johnson’s story. In many ways, it is the story of all of us, especially women. Not wanting to be diminished, we still strive to help others achieve and too often lose a part of ourselves in doing so. One does not need to take the vows of a religious to experience the loss of individuality. We applaud Johnson’s struggle to find his own voice. She wishes she could have done it within the Missionaries, but it shows the impossibility of that for her.

Without revealing the ending, although the reader knows from the beginning that she is leaving the commission, she disappointed me, not with the book but with her final choice. That is a discussion, however, for another time or place. There is much to ponder in these memoirs for readers of all religious persuasions. What we share in life is much more evident than what separates us; Johnson manages to convey that.