The Internet can be compared to an ocean, which hides in its depths myriads of thinkable and unthinkable things. This is an ocean, in fact, the ocean of information related to all possible aspects of our lives. And as such, the virtual space of the world wide web is directly linked to our material world. Therefore, you can get almost anything you want from www: music, movies, clothes, furniture, tropical cruises, cars, philosophical concepts and real love: your boyfriend or girlfriend. The important thing is to know what kind of fish (or, perhaps, mermaid or merman) you want to catch in these “waters”, how to choose the right nets, where to set them, what kind of bait to use, and when the mermaids/mermen are coming, how to get one without scaring him (or scaring him).
The anonymity of www can be so deep that you can flirt online with a real mermaid while thinking she’s just a girl. How can you know? Well, see if she knows fish and whales well, she likes to sing and (watch out!) she suggests meeting her on a beach or by the sea.
Now seriously, non-stop! For starters, and now I’m talking about finding your better half online, you need to set your mind to the search. This is a very important starting point: establish in your mind who you want to find, to date, to love! Everything else will flow from this point. People usually find what they are looking for – this is a law of the Universe. So before you go into this quest, you need to set your goals. To make things easier, it is best to prepare a list, which will help you determine what are the main characteristics that you want to find in him or her, what kinds of things you can accept or ignore and, finally, what you would really like to avoid.
The technical approach to your search can be done by placing your profile on the dating/matchmaking site, looking at published profiles and contacting those you find interesting, and finally (the best approach) doing both and using different networks. However, the most important thing is to do all of that right!
When you post your profile, describe yourself briefly but precisely, that is, avoid any ambiguity. Present your personal strengths, interests, and life priorities. Your photo should be high quality, large, recent (important!), and truly showcasing the original (the photo of you in scuba gear taken from a passing powerboat would not work for you, even if this is your favorite photo) . Also, it will save a lot of time if you openly list all the characteristics of the characters, clothes, etc. of potential candidates, who are unacceptable to you. “Married Chronic Drug Addict” are very common rejection keywords, although you might think they are more specific. A word of warning, though: If you narrow down your requirements to something like “I’m looking for a role model, who is also a role model in life,” beware: Your potential partner may be repelled by a thought that drives you. for some complex inferiority, which makes you too picky.
Don’t be shy, if you see a profile you really like, contact them first. Of course, don’t send a generic letter. Mention details that you like in this person’s profile, what moved you, why you are writing to them. However, don’t get sucked into a lengthy online exchange. If you’re not looking for virtual romance (some people do, but this isn’t what we’re discussing here), move on to the next step ASAP. Give your phone number. However, do not give your phone number to anyone. Better: Open a separate cell phone account just for such calls. This will cost you less than changing both your home and cell phone numbers if you run into any nasty loads.
Before the actual meeting, you should talk to the person on the phone – there are several reasons to do so. First, you just need to hear a voice. Sometimes this can tell you a lot, it can be a complete turn off, but don’t put too much into it. I once had a date with a lady who sounded like a drunken old hag on the phone. I almost hung up thinking I was the victim of a prank, but natural curiosity won out, so I set the date, time and place for a meeting. That one who sounded so bad on the phone in her life, a young and beautiful girl appeared, who made all the men turn their heads when she entered the restaurant. Honestly, my jaw dropped when I saw her: so much the real appearance of her contrasted with the slow and squeaky voice that she had heard on the phone. Second, the phone conversation can give you an idea of the person’s vocabulary and thus of the person’s social position. A young lady friend of mine had a week-long exchange with a guy, who apparently charmed her with her writing. They decided to see her, so he called her on the phone. When he called, her talk was saturated with so many unnecessary colloquial terms that she was absolutely convinced not to continue with this relationship. Needless to say, the meeting never took place.
Transferring from a virtual relationship to a real one is serious business. There are no small things there. Everything is important: where to have a meeting, what to wear, what to talk about and what better not to talk about too.
Therefore, the meeting place is really important. According to my brief study of 15 men questioned on the subject, 4 proposed to meet in a church (warm, relaxing and cheap environment), 3 in a cafe, 3 in a restaurant, 2 in a nightclub, 1 invited to their house, 1 He offered to walk in a park, and one could not respond. Perhaps any place for a first meeting will be good, as long as they have enough time and space to learn from each other. Therefore, church might not be the best option, perhaps considering different religious backgrounds and the fact that some people go there to talk to God and not with each other. Gathering outdoors can be fine, weather permitting, and there is enough security and not too much noise, crowds, and cars. Perhaps of all the places mentioned, the cafeteria, restaurant and nightclub were the best options. Tip for the ladies: If the man is having trouble choosing a meeting place or offers you something you really don’t feel comfortable with, propose a meeting at a local art museum or any other such venue. You can always find in such places a small cafe nearby or just a bench to sit and talk, there is always tranquility, safety and peace there, and you will be surrounded by beautiful art objects.
When you are preparing for the first meeting, keep in mind that you are meeting with a stranger. The odds of you running into Jack the Ripper are slim to none, but a less dramatic annoyance is still possible. In other words, some reasonable security considerations would not be an extra. The place should not be completely deserted by people (cemeteries, remote parks or abandoned factories are poor choices), there should be a clear path for retreat. It wouldn’t hurt to leave a note for one of your close friends or family that you’re going on a first date with so-and-so (name), and leave a phone number for this person. Just in case.
The attraction must be in accordance with the place of a meeting. It is important to have clothes that are not only beautiful, but also comfortable, so you will feel firm.
It is a scientifically proven fact that an opinion about a person is usually formed during the first 15 seconds of a meeting. In other words, one will never get a chance to make a first impression a second time. Kindness, calmness and a smile: this is what it takes to make contact and gain trust.
At the first meeting it is a bad idea to talk about your former wives (or husbands) and lovers, about health problems, talk about problems at work or bring up any religious topic. The best approach is to listen rather than talk, to ask supporting questions. Of course, you have to listen actively, give short sentences or just words, like “Is that so?!”, “Yes, I see”, “Interesting”. Your task will be to find a topic of mutual interest. Then your date will open up and the talk will be sincere.
Now you have to watch. If his quote only talks about himself, his achievements, etc., then, most likely, this person is trying to elevate himself in his eyes. And this is not a good sign. If your date talks a lot and in detail about their past relationships, problems at work, etc., it is very possible that he (or she) is just trying to compensate for the lack of social connections, while you, as a person, they are not interested in anything. One of my online dates, who I finally met at a restaurant, barely touched her food, but she did go into great detail about her ex-boyfriend, her breakup, and how much she still suffers from it. I understood that the main reason for this meeting was her need to tell her sad story to someone else and that’s all.
Clearly, the purpose of a first date is to find out: you like this person and you want a follow-up. If you don’t like the person, it’s best not to lie that you’ll call later, just tell them beforehand that you think you made a wrong decision.
If you like someone you just met, but have no idea if this feeling is mutual, there are several ways to work it out. 1) Before leaving you should say something like: “I really enjoyed my meeting with you. I don’t know if you feel the same, but if you like it, please call or write me. I’ll be happy to see you.” again.” After that, you just have to wait for the development. Or, “I really enjoyed meeting you. Maybe we can go to the movies together (theater, baseball game, restaurant, museum…)”. This is a good option, because the answer will not be postponed.
Despite the common (correct) opinion that internet dating is the easiest way to find someone, my personal experience with internet dating (I met my wife through Match.com and have lived happily ever since) is that this is still a lot of work. Preparing and fine-tuning your profile, writing numerous personal messages, doing research, speaking engagements, meetings require some commitment. Many people are getting sucked into this “game”, they can’t stop for fear that tomorrow they might meet someone smarter, better looking, better than their current candidate(s). Don’t get caught in this state, be proactive, get out of the virtual circle as soon as you can.
The Internet has become part of modern culture and reflects the society that created it. It can be good and it can be bad. An opinion, that only losers suffering from inferiority complexes meet through the Internet, can only hurt those who can express such nonsense without thinking. Millions of interesting, kind, intelligent and decent but lonely people can’t find their match just because they spend too much time at work and live in an environment well isolated from strangers. Indeed, where can you find your match? In a car on the way to or from work, at a grocery store, or perhaps at an executive meeting? Often times, dating sites on the web are the only ways for such people to find someone.
Meeting over the Internet makes a lot of things easier. You don’t have to go anywhere, find the right person, think about what to say and how to approach. Also, in real life, such a person may not date at all. It’s just the opposite on the Internet: we contact other people, who have the same goals as us. It’s a fail-safe system!
If for some reason you couldn’t find someone you’re looking for, switch networks (another network will probably have another member database) or, if you’re tired, take a 2-3 week break. A little wait time will help you regain your resolve to meet someone online. Plus, thousands of people join networks daily, so the “pool” of potential dates changes quickly. Just don’t give up and don’t get discouraged if you don’t get the desired results right away. There are no failures, you just get more experience. Believe in your success, and one day it will come to you. Isn’t it a miracle to get a mermaid or a merman out of an ocean one day, who will tell you: I love you!
