Many marriage counselors identify communication as a major problem in marriage. The lack of communication has a devastating effect on the couple, leading to emotional isolation. Because communication nurtures the relationship, it is important for couples to acquire this skill to strengthen the marriage bond. It is a way of allowing spouses to meet each other’s needs, while also meeting their own needs.

Men and women have different ways of communicating. This is probably biologically determined. Social upbringing, culture and environment can influence the way people communicate. In certain cultures, women are shy and have difficulty expressing themselves. Men tend to focus on objective and impersonal things. Women are more involved in the emotional and personal dimensions of life. Men have difficulty speaking and revealing their innermost thoughts. They resist giving compliments.

Communication has several dimensions. Simply talking makes up only about 50% of all communication. Body language, facial expression, tone of voice can communicate anger, sadness, happiness and other emotions. Communication is not simply an exchange of information. It can be sharing feelings, details about daily events, discussion about issues that affect home and family. Unless there is free communication between spouses, it is impossible to measure what is going on in the other’s mind. Presuming that they love each other and want to make their partners happy, they must tell each other what makes them happy. One cannot rest on the assumption that the other is a mind reader. Communication must be at all levels and all aspects of their lives. Many decisions have to be made in the course of your marital journey. Unless you communicate and make decisions together, life will not be easy. Everyone may have their own ideas about how to tackle a particular problem. Only communication will make decision making easier through understanding, negotiation and cooperation.

Ways to communicate:

Speaking and listening are two aspects of communication. The conversation should be warm and loving, not loud or abrasive.

“May your conversations always be full of grace.” (Colossians 4:6.)

Hurtful words must be filtered out. Romantic and sexual needs, if not conveyed properly, will end in frustration and a lack of real intimacy. Intimate self-disclosure and expressions of affection bring the couple closer. Sex is considered the highest level of communication.

During the first few months of marriage, there is a lot of communication between couples. It is a time of discovery, of freshness and novelty. They communicate thoughts and feelings through physical intimacy. They focus on each other to the exclusion of everyone else. This is a time for open communication: the freedom to express thoughts, hopes, dreams, or even failures.

“Partners have to express what they want, what they feel and, more importantly, what they think the other wants,” says Richard C. Richard, professor of philosophy.

But as time passes, this opening disappears. Men tend to start talking less. Expressing your love becomes difficult. They do not compliment the woman on her appearance, her attire, or her cooking skills. The woman begins to complain, “He never talks to me. We used to have a lot to say to each other.” Now the conversation is about worldly matters, household needs, money, budgets, or the children’s school fees. If you both have busy jobs and come home late at night, you’re not in the mood to talk. It’s easier for a woman to text her husband that dinner is ready, even if he’s in the next room reading the paper or watching TV.

On being a good listener:

The one who is listening must give their full attention to what the other is saying. Lack of attention can kill communication. Frequent interruptions or unsolicited advice can disrupt the flow of communication. The entire message must be heard first. If there are doubts, they can be clarified later. If opinions differ, there should be room for discussion so that a mutually satisfactory solution can be reached.

How to fight constructively:

It is important to note that spouses are not enemies. They are both batting on the same side. Arguments are part of every marriage. But couples must develop a healthy communication technique and discuss in a spirit of love. The idea is to recognize and understand the other’s point of view. There should be no threatening gestures, insults or abusive language, exaggeration or blame. Words that give pain to another leave ugly scars.

Pesky problems should not be swept under the rug. They must be discussed in an atmosphere of equanimity, with a view to their resolution.

“Do not let the sun go down on your anger”, is a healthy biblical exhortation

Even in disagreement, there must be mutual respect for the other’s point of view. “Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger” and “speak the truth in love” are important points to remember. If there’s a nagging problem, “bringing the problem out into the open can cause a temporary crisis,” says psychologist Neville Vines, “but if that crisis provokes open conversation, it helps the couple develop skills and insights to deal with it.” future conflicts. Every time a couple overcomes a problem, it strengthens their marriage, because they learn that they can resolve differences.”

If you are too vague about your needs, there is no hope that they will be met. A woman who feels abandoned should let her husband know this. “I would like us to spend more time together.”

A man who feels that his wife is not interested in his work might say, “I like it when you ask me about my day.”

Silence creates a barrier between couples. Cut communication. A verbal impasse leads to pent up anger, miscommunication, hurt feelings, and drives a wedge between relationships.

There are times when communication does not need words. A husband and wife may be sitting together on a sofa watching television. Their mere proximity to each other can be a way of communicating that they love being together. There are times when there is no need for words. Body language speaks for itself. The comfort of physical closeness, a hug, or holding hands assures the couple that they are one. Doing things together, listening to music, going for a walk are also forms of communication.

Good communication skills ensure that spouses foster each other’s self-esteem.