We usually think of stalkers as big, scary guys. We did not imagine that they could take the form of small and spiteful women. Most of us have observed that in elementary and high school, bullies come in both genders, but we still tend to think of them as men who physically intimidate and physically threaten.
In reality, there is a type of emotional stalker that is far more dangerous and destructive than any physical stalker. The physical bully is usually a person who was bullied as a child by someone older and stronger. They take out their hurt and angry feelings on peers who seem smaller and weaker than they are. There are several effective ways to deal with these guys that I won’t go into here.
The emotional bully is a different creature. This person often has a condition known as borderline personality disorder, or BPD, which is characterized by a number of different signs and symptoms. Those with milder cases have terrible fears of abandonment, chronic feelings of emptiness, and a habit of pushing away those who would love or help them.
Those with a more severe and destructive form of the condition suffer from widespread mood swings, self-destructive behaviors, various addictions, excessive and uncontrollable anger, and extreme susceptibility. These people take offense at things that normal people would never consider a slight, and they are quick to take revenge.
Anyone who has had the misfortune to deal with someone from the latter group knows the lengths this type of person will go to satisfy their need for revenge. Paradoxically, in their quest for so-called “justice”, these Borderline individuals are the ones actually causing harm, as opposed to the person who supposedly “wronged” them.
The word “Borderline” was originally used to describe this condition because some of the ideas these people have are so irrational and some of their beliefs are so unrealistic and rigid that they seem almost psychotic. This condition, when severe, is considered borderline insane.
People who have a milder version of the disorder may do very well in therapy. They can function quite well in their lives and tend not to cause too much trouble for themselves or others. The most severely affected individuals tend to be “troublemakers” who engage in self-mutilation and/or destructively interfere in other people’s lives.
They pit people against each other, technically known as “splitting,” and cause a lot of suffering to the people they live and work with. They are manipulative, passive-aggressive, unreasonable, stubborn, erratic, and highly impulsive. They get under people’s skin. If you frequently find yourself talking to your co-workers about a colleague or supervisor who makes many of you incredibly angry and frustrated, this person most likely has borderline personality disorder.
Individuals with BPD can be so full of anger that they go to great lengths to “punish” those they feel have wronged them in some way. This can take the form of legal threats, blackmail attempts, stalking, and other types of harassment. The alleged offenses to which they react are virtually always imagined, but the feelings of anger and revenge of these disturbed individuals are very real.
Unfortunately, people with severe BPD are prone to continuing to escalate a situation if the other person tries to fight back. In their disturbed mind, they perceive the person’s self-defense as an offense against them. Sometimes the best way to deal with such a person is to end all contact with them. This could mean changing jobs, moving to a new home, or giving up certain hobbies or activities. It seems like a drastic response, but “Hell hath no fury like a scorned Borderline.”
Our courts are overstretched enough these days and are actually seriously lacking when it comes to understanding and addressing the legal ramifications of mental disorders. Until such time as there are legal protections in place for the kind of bullying and harassment that is so typical of the very ill person with BPD, it is up to us to make ourselves less of a target for these people by withdrawing from contact with them and hoping that they do not follow through. pursuing his disruptive and destructive agenda.
Obviously, this is not to say that we shouldn’t try to defend ourselves and protect ourselves from attacks on our safety and well-being, but it is important to understand that people with BPD tend to be adept at using the legal system to their nefarious advantage. In their general sense of vengeful law, they manipulate the legal system and use whatever legitimate and illegitimate means necessary to exact revenge on those against whom they bear a grudge.
One consolation for its victims might be to recognize that people with severe BPD are profoundly unhappy. They are unable to form normal, healthy bonds with others, and their relationships are characterized by chronic conflict and frustration. They are constantly irritable and agitated, but are unable to calm this discomfort. They are as self-destructive as they are harmful to others and live lives of loneliness, alienation, and meaninglessness.
If we are unlucky enough to have had dealings with someone with a severe case of BPD, we can remember that however much they put us through, it was only temporary, while their unhappiness is endless. They are riddled with paranoia, rage, and revenge. As much as I mistrust such individuals, I can’t help but feel sorry for them, as one of the worst places in the universe to be is inside the troubled mind of someone with severe BPD.
