The Law of Esteem recognizes that all human beings need and want praise, recognition and acceptance. Acceptance and praise are two of our deepest longings; we can never have enough. William James once said, “The deepest tenet of human nature is the longing to be appreciated.” You can give a child a simple compliment and watch him soar to the top of the world. We know how a simple thank you can brighten our day. Human beings have a psychological need to be respected and accepted. We need affection to satisfy the need to belong, we want praise to feel admired, and we want recognition to satisfy our need for personal worth.
In the process of persuasion, it is essential to realize that people will act and behave in a certain way to validate compliments. If you present your request in a way that compliments or edifies your listeners, they’ll be much more inclined to not only follow through, but to do so enthusiastically. Praise has the power to change behavior because it makes the recipient feel needed and valued. The individual now has a reputation to live up to or an opportunity to prove the validity of the compliment. On top of that, it’s hard not to get along and meet people who look up to you, agree with you, and do nice things for you.
Learning to persuade and influence will make the difference between expecting better income and having better income. Beware of common mistakes presenters and persuaders make that cause them to lose the deal. Get your free report 10 Mistakes That Continue to Cost You Thousands and explode your income today.
Self-esteem is the elusive aspiration of most people. It is a self-confidence or self-satisfaction. Where does self-esteem come from? The people who are truly happy and comfortable with themselves are the ones who can live and achieve what they want, not what they think others want. When people really function this way, it’s more enjoyable to be around them. They tend to be more generous, optimistic and open-minded. They meet their own needs, but are careful to consider the needs of others.
People with self-esteem are strong and confident, which means they can admit when they’re wrong. They don’t crumble over criticism. Their self-confidence permeates every aspect of their lives: their jobs, their education, their relationships, etc. After an in-depth study, the National Institute for Student Motivation even rated self-confidence as more influential on academic performance than IQ. Other studies have shown that self-esteem even affects your income levels.
Unfortunately, several studies show that Americans in general do not enjoy high self-esteem. Two out of three Americans suffer from varying levels of low self-esteem. In a child development survey, 80 percent of children entering third grade said they felt good about themselves. By fifth grade, the number had dropped to 20 percent. By their senior year of high school, only 5 percent of seniors said they felt good about themselves. To some degree, we all suffer from low self-esteem in different areas of our lives, whether it’s our IQ, our appearance, our education, or how we look in a bathing suit. The short list of symptoms attributable to low self-esteem includes: inability to trust others, aggressive behavior, gossiping, resentment of others, criticism of others, inability to accept criticism, defensiveness, procrastination, and inability to accept compliments.
There are two reasons why our culture suffers so much from low self-esteem. First of all, the media and advertising continually show us how we should look, how we should drive, how we should smell, and so on. The message is that we are never good enough with what we are. We see images of grooming, fashion, popularity, and attractiveness that we can never live up to. These images constantly remind us that we need to improve ourselves and that there is always someone better than us. Second, we do not judge or measure ourselves by our own standard, but by someone else’s standard. But because we think, believe, and assume that we must live up to someone else’s standard, we feel miserable and second-rate, and conclude that there is something wrong with us.
Pride is the exact opposite of self-esteem. A proud person does not derive pleasure from having something, but only from having more than another person. It is the comparison that makes you proud, the pleasure of being above others. Contrary to popular opinion, there is no lasting joy or satisfaction in pride. Peace and contentment will never come because there will always be the imminent possibility of something or someone bigger and better coming. Someone who enjoys his position at the top of the hill can never rest easy for long. Pride is a false sense of accomplishment because it is not based on true or pure motives. As CS Lewis observed: “Pride is a spiritual cancer; it devours the very possibility of love, contentment, or even common sense.”
Pride is having security in external things like possessions, titles, influence, or position. People who have too much pride constantly compare themselves to others in an attempt to help them feel better about themselves. They love to gossip and bring others down. They are always worried about who is right rather than what is right. They have a scarcity mindset that there is never enough to go around. As Stephen R. Covey wrote: “An abundance mindset stems from internal security, not external rankings,
Self-esteem and pride are actually opposites, although the terms are commonly thought to be interchangeable. Pride is often a red flag for low self-esteem because people use it to cover up their weaknesses and insecurities. People afflicted with pride often have a low opinion of themselves. They will often bully or scold others in order to feel and manifest their own personal importance. With self-esteem, there is an inner security about who you are. You are fine with who you are and what you are doing. You like to help others and you don’t care what people think. You like to educate others and enjoy an abundance mindset.
Notice the comparisons between the two attributes:
Pride — Self-esteem
External security — Internal security
Scarcity Mentality — Abundance Mentality
Compare with others — No need to compare
Value in possessions or positions — Value in itself
Bring others down — Lift others up
Concerned about who is right — Concerned about what is right
How does self-esteem affect persuasion? Elaine Walster Hatfield conducted a study that gives us an example. She found that a woman who is introduced to a man is more likely to find him attractive if her self-esteem has been temporarily affected than a woman whose self-esteem has not been affected. This explains the good old rebound effect whereby a person quickly finds herself in a new relationship right after it ends, usually with someone she wouldn’t date under “normal circumstances.” Esteem is definitely one of the most important needs in the list of all human needs. When you’re in a persuasive situation and you’re not sure what to do, helping your prospect feel important is a surefire place to start.
conclusion
Persuasion is the missing piece of the puzzle that will crack the code to dramatically increase your income, improve your relationships, and help you get what you want, when you want, and win friends for life. Ask yourself how much money and income you have lost due to your inability to persuade and influence. Think about it. Sure you’ve seen some success, but think of the times you couldn’t. Has there been a time when you didn’t understand your point of view? Are you unable to convince someone to do something? Have you reached your full potential? Are you able to motivate yourself and others to achieve more and achieve your goals? What about your relationships? Imagine being able to overcome objections before they happen, knowing what your prospect is thinking and feeling, feeling more confident in your persuasiveness.
Kurt Mortensen’s trademark is Magnetic Persuasion; instead of convincing others, he teaches that you should attract them, just as a magnet attracts metal filings. He teaches that sales have changed and the consumer has become exponentially more skeptical and cynical in the last five years. Most persuaders use only 2 or 3 persuasion techniques when there are actually 120 available!
