However, the residual effects of any abuse can be devastating when most people think about the abuse, be it spousal, parental, etc. – They tend to focus on physical abuse. Mental and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, or more so, especially when the abuser is someone close to the abused.

Perhaps the worst kind of abuse comes from those who are so preoccupied with themselves that they don’t see or care about the results of their actions. This type of narcissistic abuse can be found in many different types of relationships, including parent-child, spouse/partner, and even friendships. Emotional abuse by a narcissistic parent can be especially insidious as it can damage a child’s ability to form stable relationships in the future. It has been proposed that due to the lack of an appropriate model of a healthy relationship, those who suffered emotional abuse as children tend to end up in abusive relationships similar to those of adults.

In the United States, the 1980s were considered a time when self-centeredness and self-centeredness were not only acceptable, but expected. “Generation Me” had created new extremes of narcissism. Many were willing to ignore the welfare of others for their own good.

Despite this inward focus, most of the people we think of when we think of this time period were not true narcissists in the strictest sense. The term narcissism is derived from the Greek story of Naissus, a hunter who was the son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. He possessed such beauty that not even he himself could free himself from the attraction. The god Nemesis tricked him into staring into a pool in which he saw and fell in love with his own reflection, only to die there gazing at his own handsome features.

Narcissism is defined as “excessive fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity” or in psychoanalytic terms as “erotic gratification derived from the admiration of one’s own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of mental development. personality”. This term is used for common self-absorption. In 1968, an extreme form was added to the psychological literature as a definable diagnosis.

The current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-V) of the American Psychiatric Association defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder as:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning in early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (eg, exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievement).
2. You are preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should be associated with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
4. Requires excessive admiration.
5. You have a sense of entitlement, that is, unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic fulfillment of your expectations.
6. He is interpersonally exploitative, that is, he takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends.
7. Lacks Empathy: You are unwilling to acknowledge or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
8. You are often envious of others or believe that others are envious of you.
9. Shows arrogant, arrogant behaviors or attitudes.

In addition, the following criteria must be met to justify a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

HAS.
Significant impairments in personality functioning are manifested by:
1. Deficits in autonomous functioning (aob):
has. Identity: excessive reference to others for self-definition and regulation of self-esteem; exaggerated self-evaluation may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation reflects fluctuations in self-esteem.
b. Self-direction: goal setting is based on gaining the approval of others; personal standards are unreasonably high to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement; often unaware of his own motives.

Y

2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (aob):
has. Empathy: Impaired ability to recognize or identify with the
feelings and needs of others; excessively attuned to the reactions of others, but only if it is perceived as relevant to oneself; overestimation or underestimation of one’s own effect on others.
b. Intimacy: Relationships are largely superficial and exist to serve the regulation of self-esteem; reciprocity restricted by little genuine interest in the experiences of others and a predominance of a need for personal gain

Pathological personality traits in the following domain:
1. Antagonism, characterized by:
has. Grandiosity: Feelings of entitlement, either overt or covert;
egocentrism; holding firmly to the belief that one is better than others; condescending to others.
b. Attention Seeking: Excessive attempts to attract and be the focus of others’ attention; amazing.
against Impairments in personality functioning and the expression of individual personality traits are relatively stable over time and constant in all situations.
d. Impairments in personality functioning and the expression of the individual’s personality traits are not best understood as normative for the individual’s stage of development or sociocultural environment.
me. Impairments in personality functioning and the expression of individual personality traits are not due solely to the direct physiological effects of a substance (eg, a drug of abuse, medication) or a general medical condition (eg, eg, a severe head injury).

While all of this may seem overwhelming, by focusing on a few key parts of the diagnosis, we can see how a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder could easily turn into hell. As stated in the first quote, people with narcissistic personality disorder feel that they are more important than other people. They don’t just put themselves on a pedestal, they think others do the same. A healthy relationship is not one in which one person dominates the other, but these narcissists cannot form healthy relationships.

As we see in the second quote, there is an inability to form proper bonds due to a lack of empathy for others or of forming intimate relationships. The fact that “Relations [are] largely superficial and exist to serve the regulation of self-esteem.” (emphasis added).

A relationship with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a one-way street. All attention and emotional support flows from the individual to the narcissist. These relationships are characterized by verbal and mental abuse, belittling, complaining, and even physical abuse. Narcissists believe they can do no wrong, so any problems with the relationship, and even problems that arise in everyday life, are the other party’s fault. If a mistake is made, the partner is somehow to blame.

Narcissists’ need for attention and admiration leads them to constantly seek out those who will bolster their inflated sense of self-worth. This results in a series of short relationships and a long stream of discarded partners. If the narcissist is married, there is a high chance that he is not faithful. Naturally, if the infidelity is discovered, the partner will be to blame for not being pretty enough, affectionate enough, etc.

Victims of a narcissistic abuser often display similar characteristics. The most common is a low sense of self-worth, often accompanied by an inability to make decisions for themselves. They spend years telling them that they are not good enough, that they are not smart enough, that they are not good enough. Over time they come to internalize these negative statements. They doubt their own abilities. This makes them more dependent on the narcissistic abuser, creating a cycle of codependency.

This is one of the most concerning aspects of narcissistic abuse in terms of parental care. When children are constantly put down, they grow up believing that they are not capable. When they are finally out of the control of their narcissistic parent, they lack the coping skills necessary to survive on their own. Doubting their own decision-making abilities and paralyzed by low self-esteem, they gravitate toward someone who will accept them despite their self-perceived flaws and make decisions for them. In short, they enter into relationships with narcissistic abusers. They leave their parents only to end up with someone exactly like the very people who abused them in the first place.

Those who have suffered at the hands of a narcissist may display a number of emotional and physical symptoms that can be difficult to attribute to the relationship, as they are the result of the stress they are faced with on a daily basis. These include confusion, dissociation, poor eating and sleeping habits, and even signs of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

It is especially difficult for those in a relationship with a narcissist to get help, since they have been conditioned to look to their abuser for most, if not all, decision-making activities. Their low sense of self-esteem makes it easy for them to ignore the idea that they deserve better. Obviously, in their minds, no one else would have them. They must be happy with the relationship they have, even though they are unhappy. This is a theme that the abuser will also reinforce.

While difficult, it is possible to escape the cycle of narcissistic abuse. The first step must be to accept that no one deserves the constant humiliation and demands of the narcissist. As self-image is restored to a healthy level, it becomes easier to make decisions without input from the abuser. Naturally, this is an extremely difficult process that may require the help of outsiders, including professionals. Unfortunately, it’s common for narcissistic abusers to restrict their partners’ access to others, especially those who express opinions that go against their grandiose sense of self.