It seems you are making the right decision. The path you’re on seems less scary. The difficulty is certain to go the other way. We know that this choice is the best. There are so many ways to justify this decision. In your opinion, it is the right thing for your son. Only you had the foresight to see the danger in your decision.

I write these words from experience. There was a time when I stood at the same crossroads. My options were identical: stay or go. Being young and immature, my rationalization led me to leave. His mother couldn’t afford to choose. Even though I justified it in my own mind, there is no reason to abandon a child. Succumbing to fear will never lead to a healthy conclusion. It’s the ultimate in selfish behavior.

All around me I see men making the same choice. It saddens me deeply, because I know the results of your election. Today I have the intuition that I lacked so many years ago. Hindsight is indeed 20/20. If I had to do it all over again, I would choose the other path. The one I selected turned out to be the most difficult. He is wrought with pain and frustration. Once you’re out that door, it’s extremely treacherous to go back inside. We can make up for a lot in life; time is not one of those things.

I see so many who think they are doing the right thing by leaving. The most common argument is that I can’t make enough money here. Another is about not being able to get along with the mother. Both situations can be true. However, they do not apply to one’s relationship with their child. Your son cares little about the money he earns. That kid doesn’t really care about toys either, his or hers. And once you leave the house, the relationship with the mother is secondary. What matters is being there for your offspring. That is paramount.

Children are resilient. They adapt to the circumstances that surround them. Whatever form the family dynamic takes, it will adapt. The question is how well you will be able to adapt. Don’t be surprised if you learn that her decision created a number of other factors that she never imagined. Are you ready to live with the pain of those factors? Since you are likely unaware of the potential dangers of your choice, the chances that you are prepared for them are slim.

My experience is that you need to give up money. Also, do whatever it takes to get along with the mother. Stop hanging out with your friends and be responsible. Give up alcohol/drugs so you can be a parent. This is the most reasonable option you have. If you choose to continue as you are, your road ahead will be much more bumpy.

There was a time when I chose to leave my son’s life. That single choice took me away from my daughter for the first 5 years. She didn’t even know I existed. During that time, another man entered her life and became her “dad.” To this day, he still calls her that even though he understands my biological connection to her. It’s something I live with every day of my life. My choice led me to give up my position as the father of my son.

After working up enough courage to try to resolve the situation with my daughter, it was too late. Entering after 5 years is impossible. Although I had the courts approve my revival, I did not have my son’s. The entire world of him was shaken to the core of him. It’s hard for someone that age to understand what it’s like to sweat. In his mind, I was an interruption of the only world he knew. This instilled a lot of fear that manifested as anger. We are often unaware of how deeply our decisions can affect our children.

If you think the road back was easy, think again. It was another 5 or 6 years before my daughter tolerated me a bit. As mentioned, I’m not “dad” to her yet. And I never will be. That role was sacrificed for my decision. I also had to accept that I have no hope of ever having the kind of relationship with her that my father has with my sister. That is reserved for those who think they are in her life even if that child is not biologically hers.

The only hope I have is to be his friend. My job now is to love her in whatever capacity she allows me. I offer my support without expecting anything in return. I have no right to anything in this relationship. I was that thing of leaving. I am a guest in her life and relegated to behaving as such. My rights went out the window the day I made that unfortunate decision. The courts may say one thing, but the mind of an abandoned child will say something entirely different. In the end, the only thing that matters is his point of view.

So you have the decision to stay or go. I know how much easier the way to go seems. Do not be fooled. It really is the hardest path to take. This decision will affect you the rest of your days. Learn from my experience and make sure you get it right. It doesn’t matter how your relationship is with the mother of your child. The best I hope is friendly in that department. Money is not a substitute for a father’s love, however much it may be. All your current egotistical needs and desires may satisfy you now, but they will leave a great void in you in the future. That, I can guarantee.

Here there is only one option; that is to stay Be a part of that child’s life. This does not mean that you should stay with the mother. Some people just don’t belong together. Two people at each other’s throats fail to create a proper home for a child. Often the best thing for everyone involved is to part ways. However, being a part of the life of that child(ren) is always the best option.

I say all this not so much for his sake, but for yours. I can only speak as the one who abandoned my son and the pain is caused in my life. It’s not something I would wish on another man. I not only feel the suffering within me, but it is doubled when I consider the pain I inflicted on him. My decision affected someone who was completely innocent in the situation. I can assure you that this is not something you want to live with.

Learn from my mistake. It will save you an untold amount of suffering. He does not realize the catastrophic consequences of his decision to leave. It is easy to do; I also fell prey to that. However, hindsight led me to write this for her sake. My bed is made. I accept the lifelong consequences of my horrible decision so many years ago. However, I hope you choose the opposite path. If this can help a single person to avoid this dangerous state, then my experience was not in vain. Give yourself and your child a tremendous gift by choosing to be a part of his life. I can tell you from experience that you will regret not doing it.