Parents never leave the hospital with their newborns and think, “I need to have a grounding plan for my child.” However, as time goes by, parents find that sometimes things don’t go perfectly and children don’t always act with complete obedience, so they punish their children more than they would like. This tends to wear down even the best of parents, but the issue is not punishment, but discipline.
A parent’s role is to teach their children how to live and act so that they are safe, healthy, growing in knowledge and ability, and equipped with every opportunity to live an independent life one day. This doesn’t happen overnight, but it happens only with time and careful attention to consistency and purpose. parents must train your children how to do this, just as an athlete trains for a race. Training involves demonstration, repetition, correction, and encouragement. it’s a process. For many parents, the most difficult on that list is correction because it tends to become punitive and appears as punishment rather than discipline.
Punishment is about the negative outcome, while discipline is about preventative steps. If a child is well trained, she will understand the goal, have seen the methods or ways in which she can succeed, and will be expected to repeat that process to achieve it. They will also understand that if they make a mistake, there may be some consequences (discipline), but those consequences do not translate into anger or frustration. They are simply the result of an action. But this type of discipline comes from the perspective of desired growth for the child, just as a coach would ask the athlete to repeat the drill or stay for an extra practice to increase his skills. Discipline is designed to redirect actions toward the desired goal.
Punishment, however, tends to be met with anger. It is reactive and not smooth. Is filled with emotion that expresses a point (such as “You failed!”) rather than a goal (such as “How can you do better next time?”) Punishment is vindictive in nature because the child interrupted parents plans or activities. Punishment can focus on what the parent wants at the time, such as peace and quiet, not being interrupted, not being embarrassed, etc.
The challenge for parents is to be aware of the training they are undergoing. They need to know the goals for their children. Having a family vision statement to focus on is important to the life and faith of every family. Once you’re in place, just like the coaches, parents need to be consistent and intentional about the training plan. They must remember to demonstrate the skills they want their children to learn, practice the skills with them, repeat them again, and, as needed, redirect attention to goals that are important to each child’s overall well-being.
